Thoughts on Coughing

Madeline has had a cough pretty much every day for about 3 months. I know it's related to her Cystic Fibrosis but I would think that the constant antibiotics she's on would take care of it and give us at least 1 week of respite. When I say "us" I mostly mean Madi. As soon as she is off of abx she gets a cough within two days and then is on abx for another 3 weeks. The cycle continues with no end in sight. I feel like we're just going in a big circle. I look at her pictures on my desk and see a beautiful, healthy-looking baby girl. In reality she fights thick mucousy coughs, nasal congestion that keeps her up at night because she can't suck her beloved thumb, and uncomfortable breathing treatments 3 times a day that require her parents to beat on her little body. I hate this aspect of her disease - that it never seems to give her a break. She will never know any different and for that I am greatful. She'll never know what it feels like to be truly healthy. She won't know what life is like not having to worry about finding an electrical outlet so that she can do her breathing treatment when she's at camp or at a friend's cabin. She won't know what life is like not having to get a suction hose shoved up her nose into her lungs to take a mucous sample at every doctor visit. She won't know what life is like not having to take enzymes at her desk before she eats her snack at school. She won't know what life is like not having to worry that kids will tease her because of all these things. I hate that she has to be a fighter to survive. I hate that she will have to wonder if she'll survive long enough to see her own children grow up. I hate that this disease threatens to take her away from us way too soon. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.